Death of a Career

I hate my job. I get no pleasure at all from it. I am not prepared to spend the rest of my life doing it. I am going to do something different.

This is the start.

When and where did I decide to start? Easy - here and now, the only place you can ever start anything.
What did I decide to start? I don't know, but I am compelled to write and I'm starting now. I remember being very small, at school, and one of my teachers said to me, in response to something I'd said to her, some of the most stinging words of my life:

"We can't do whatever we want all the time"

It started me off on a route of getting the grades, getting the experience, getting the degree, getting the job, then getting another job, getting training, getting another job, getting the certificate to say I'd learnt the training, getting ... always getting.

I've decided to get one more thing - get lost. Oh, and in response to what my teacher said, way back in the 70's ..... Bollox. I am living my life by one great Spinal Tap quote:

"have a good time all the time"

I don't like the idea of work-life balance. I don't actually like black and white, either/or, all-or-nothing thinking, and the whole work life balance idea fits into that. It implies you are EITHER at work OR you are having a life. I'd prefer to spend ALL of my time living, thank you very much. Work-life balance implies you are not living while you are at work, and I think that is a crying shame. If you're reading this and you really do enjoy your job, no matter what that job is, if you can put your hand on your heart and say you do really enjoy what you do and the majority of your days at work are good ones then congratulations, you're there. However, I feel the life force being sucked out of me the minute I enter the gulag .. sorry, I mean business park (now there's an ironic oxymoron!) where I work. I literally feel it drain right out of me. I feel it coming back as I depart from work. I cannot spend the rest of my life like this.

I am not a lazy person. I don't spend my free time lounging in bed or on the sofa (well, not ALL of it). I do voluntary work, I cycle, I knit, I sew, I have a scrapbook, I read, I write, I help others to feel better about themselves, I look after 4 gorgeous guinea pigs, I keep my home vaguely tidy, I grow food, I experiment with cooking, but most of all I choose to be happy each day (which, believe me, if you're a lazy person can be tricky).

I would like to find some way to tie up the enjoyable parts of my life into something or things which can support me financially. I'm not looking to get rich, only for what I need. Oh, and enough to keep those 4 gorgeous guinea pigs in fresh veggies! I don't think this is an unreasonable thing to want. I don't know how it's going to look yet, but I have spent a while in analysis paralysis and I decided today that I have had far too much to think, so I am now going to do.

the plan so far:
Read "Screw Work Let's Play" by John Williams (review will likely follow in coming weeks)
Look into "Free Range Humans"
Blog here
Write
Write some more
Meet people who think like I do - quickly and randomly.

Does it seem vague? GOOD! I am sick and tired of well thought out, signed off plans. That's my past ... and it didn't work. Sorry teachers, sorry parents ... the steady job and career you wanted for me is something I just don't want. I never really did, it just took me a while to find the confidence to say that out loud. Goodbye career, it was swell, but the swelling's gone down.